If you’re tired of Tinder and totally hung up over Hinge, consider putting the dating apps down and doing things differently for a while.
If you’re tired of Tinder and totally hung up over Hinge, you might want to consider putting the dating apps down and doing things differently for a while. Quitting online dating means leaving behind the endless swipe-left culture and stepping into the real world, where you can meet people face to face and build connections that actually matter.
They say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. Modern dating apps may offer convenience, but if you’re tired of bad dates and short-lived flings, focusing on real-life interactions could be the key to finding a long-term relationship.
Dating can be demoralising, too. From spending whole evenings with online matches who you have no real life chemistry with, to being ghosted for no good reason, when things don’t pan out, it can feel like a lot of effort for no real return. But dating isn’t the be all and end all of life, nor need it be a priority for you.
So, if you want to shift gears mentally but don’t know where to start, here are six ways to change the way you date.
1. Just don’t date
If you’re over it, then don’t date for a bit. You might need time to refresh, otherwise you’ll bring that negativity to your dates and that’s just not fun for anyone.
If you’re feeling worn out, spend the time you would be going to dinner and drinks at semi-nice restaurants to re-discover your passions. So many of the things we love go by the wayside as we get older. Rediscover those old hobbies—be it art, boxing, indoor soccer, or dance—whatever dreams your full-time job railroaded out of your routine. Doing something of value for you might be more fruitful than an endlessly unfulfilling string of dates right now.
Dating is like getting in shape. If you focus on your body as the goal, nothing happens and it’s frustrating. But if you focus on having fun whilst getting fit, you later notice your body has changed as a secondary benefit. So who knows, this may even be how you meet someone you actually care to spend time with.
2. Cut back on your texting habit
Texting as a form of communication really operates on the laws of diminishing returns. It is great for making initial contact, early textual banter, and taking risks you might not otherwise take in an actual conversation.
By risk we don’t mean sending a risky pic—a risk by definition is something where you don’t know what the result will be. I think we all know how that will turn out. After the initial thrill, texting gets really, really boring. All textual-tension wears off, and the back and forth “how was your day?” is just meh. Either you’re meeting up and getting this thing rolling in person, or you’re not.
3. Talk to strangers
Unless you have a job where you meet and talk to lots of new people every day, most of us stick to the safety of what and who we know within our regular routine. From a dating perspective, the issue is that if you’re stuck in one bubble, there’s no circuit breaker getting you out of the rut and crossing paths with new people.
Actually engage that person in your office you’ve seen around but never met, or strike up a conversation with that person at the pub. Talking to new people is also a great way to mine for anecdotes that you can use in other conversations, if the first doesn’t work out.
4. Write down everything you’re looking for in a partner…then tear it up and throw it out
Having a mental image of your perfect partner against which you measure all potential people is a bad idea. It’s okay to have some deal breakers, but even reconsider whether those are helping your case. Perfection in a person doesn’t exist, or if it does, perfection is just someone that is actually real.
5. Plan exciting dates
So first things first, you’ll need to get really rich. Kidding! Although, now we’ve raised it, think how much cooler your dates could be. Tell me, have you ever heard someone say: “He/she took me on a spontaneous weekend away to the Maldives, we drank a shit load of Dom Perignon, then we zipped around naked on gold jet skis. It totally sucked”?
The point is, even inexpensively, coming up with unique and interesting date ideas will make it a better, more engaging time for everyone all around. If drinks, dinner and a movie is feeling a little tired and monotonous, why not suggest a hike? Or wine tasting? Or going to a gig? The more fun you’re having doing something, the more likely it is a connection and chemistry will spring forth.
6. Evaluate your past dating habits
We’re all really good at looking at other people and identifying everything that they are doing wrong in their lives. What we are really bad at is turning the microscope back on ourselves. But if you want something in your dating life to change, you’re going to have to find out what it is you keep on doing.
Are you attracted to people who aren’t good for you? Are you being honest with yourself about what you really want out of a relationship? Do you never see things through past the second date? Make yourself a cup of tea, stare out a window, pretend it’s raining and find the answers to these questions. Even if you don’t find any, you now have a cup of tea.
